Big John's Christmas List
Big John here. I know it’s been about forty-five years since I’ve written to you, but let’s face it, you really dropped the ball on that G.I. Joe Astronaut and Space Capsule I asked for in my last letter. But, let’s let bygones be bygones, and try this one more time. So, considering I’ve been pretty good since the 1990s, here’s my current Christmas List.
- A Bottle of Aberlour A’bunadh—Since I last wrote to you, I’ve become very fond of Single-Malt Scotch whisky, and the Aberlour A’bunadh is some of the finest. It’s also very pricey, which is why I’m asking you for it. After all big guy, there’s more than one way to get your 6-11 servings of cereals and grains each day.
- A New Production Colt 1903 Pocket Hammerless—This was announced at the 2015 SHOT Show, and, as an original Colt 1903 Hammerless has resided on my wish list for, well, -ever, I was instantly sold on the idea of Colt resurrecting one of their greatest guns. But Santa, you’re gonna have to work to find one, since they’re only making a couple thousand.
- FN M249S Civilian-Legal, Belt-Fed, Squad Semi-Automatic Weapon—Okay Santa, this is a big one, I know. But can you imagine anything as cool? The same FN Minimi that’s the standard M249 Squad Automatic Weapon our troops use in combat, now available in a civilian version. Santa, I’ll make a deal with you … if you can arrange for one to be under my tree, I won’t mind if you want to come along to the range and burn through a belt, on me!
- A President who Loves and Respects the Constitution—I know, I know … wait ‘til next year.
And Santa, if you still have one of those G.I. Joe Astronaut and Space Capsules left over from 1970 …
Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year!
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