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I also discussed the dynamics of hoarding with a psychologist and read about it on-line. I've seen a few programs on TV. An actual hoarder needs to be dealt with differently than a normal person.
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Guilt, shame, nagging, complaining does not work. They have layers of rationalizations that don't make sense to a normal person. For example, a stack of newspapers might be ed "a work station".
Mom refused to discuss the hoarding mess, she would disolve into tears and then not talk to us for 9 months if it was brought up. I agree with the Swingers Personals in Raysal who said the outside mess is a reflection of chaos on the inside. When dealing with a couple like my parents, it is further complicated by his resistance to change he's used to living in the messcriticizing, and the co-dependent lack of boundaries set in place over a 60 year marriage.
My mother passed in so we are now facing the hurdle and burden of the clean up process, with, respect and, a ton of and a lot of psychological tactics to approach this one step at a time. So, reading the book is a good place to start. There are genuine tips in it that can be helpful to tackling a big mess. Book also covers concepts like overwhelm, micro-focus, setting priorities, etc. I prefer the strategy of tackling stuff strategiy rather than one enormous clean out.
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Jealousy also rear its head, and the only way to deal with that is talking to your SO. So take your time, talk, and bring the necessities. And if it goes south play cards or give massages.
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